i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Rumble strips road head = magical
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
