who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
