If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
