Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
