i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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