my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
