you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
