is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
