Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize