You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
