My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
