So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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