Well douche your snatch and let's go!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
