Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
