I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
