i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
