the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
