I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
