ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
