We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
