It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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