my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
