Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
