dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
