my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
