his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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