I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
