i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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