my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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