garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
