I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
