Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
