Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just threw up on my dentist
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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