We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
