We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
