Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
