I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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