it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
