there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
