drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
