i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
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