Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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