YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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