Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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