Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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