why didn't you poke me back
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
