Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
