God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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