I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
