rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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