well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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